


Ma Called, The Bees are Back!

by sharedwithyou



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cassandra Pentaghast Voice Of Reason, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25628521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: Sera is not a great example to follow.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Reader, Cullen Rutherford/You, Cullen/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OriginalPomegranate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginalPomegranate/gifts).



> Dedicated to the lovely Wolfie who introduced me to this amazingness.
> 
> I don't know much about the lore and stuff so sorry if this is inaccurate, try to suspend disbelief and enjoy!
> 
> XOXO Bucky
> 
> p.s. the title is a line from new girls. I felt like it fit.

  
"This is a stupid idea."

"Come on. I dare you."

"We already put honey between every other page of Josie's book. Which reminds me, why did you insist on that instead of just dumping the whole pot on it?"

"Finesse, my dear Inquisitor." 

You rolled your eyes as Sera gave you a devilish smile.

"You already chickened out from plucking Leliana's birds."

"Not angering the world's best spymaster is considered a tactical no-brainer, Sera."

"Now you're making me blush, Inquisitor." You and Sera ducked behind Cullen's desk, even though you'd obviously already been caught. Leliana walked past straight-faced save for a slight twinkle in her eyes. She knew you could use a break from leading the resistance, even if pranking was unorthodox.

Sera breathed a sigh of relief, and started to giggle. "See, wasn't that exciting?"

"Maybe for you. I was mentally preparing for a complete walk-out from my advisors."

"Yeah but it hasn't happened."

"Yet." Still, you couldn't help a small smile from slipping out.

"I knew we'd have fun!" Encouraged by your smile, Sera pulled a jar out of her pouch.

"Those better not be-"

"Yes, bees!" She let out a tiny shriek of an excitement and anticipation.

"We use those on Templars in battle!" 

"And now, we'll use them on Cullen in his office!" She started unscrewing the lid, pausing when a few soldiers strolled by.

"He's my right hand man, Sera." You grabbed the jar away from her and made sure it was screwed tight.

"Right hand, left hand, who cares?"

"It's-"

"If you ask me, it's his whole body you're interested in."

You rolled your eyes again, before grabbing the feisty elf and shoving her out of the room.

"Back to the bar with you."

"Well, one out of three isn't bad I guess."

"I'd step lively." Leliana murmured as she walked past you again.

A split second later, a blood-curdling shriek was heard all over Skyhold.

"Run!!!"

  
"It seems your spirits are high today, Inquisitor."

"You sound surprised, Commander."

"Well yes, considering the horrible mood Josie was in. And how many times must I remind you to call me Cullen?"

"Probably as often as you call me Inquisitor instead of my actual name."

He chuckled. "It's better than Herald, right?"

"It's all the same to me, anyway."

"Business-like as usual."

"I'm sorry. What I meant to say was you can call me whatever you like."

He chuckled again, before handing you a stack of papers. "So this is what we went over yesterday. I've made some adjustments-"

You held in a sigh and tried to focus on Cullen's words. You felt off-balance. Perhaps it was guilt from watching Josephine slowly steaming the pages of what turned out to be a signed first edition.  
No more pranks ever again.

"May I take a moment of her time, Commander?"

Sera smiled angelically and motioned you towards her.

"Certainly. We can finish this up later Inquisitor. I'll be training the recruits. Come find me when you're ready."

He gave the two of you a crisp nod and strode off.

Sera gave an appreciative whisper under her breath.

"I'd let his right hand all over me any time."

You made no move to agree. But then again, you didn't disagree either. "So what did you need?"

"Nothing really. I was just saving you from a boring discussion."

You let out the sigh you'd been holding in since the beginning of Cullen's talk an hour ago. "You mean my job?"

"It's giving you wrinkles. You're too pretty to have those." She elbowed you in the side and you grinned despite yourself. "Now can we pluck Leliana's chickens? Or go through with the bee thing? Or both?"

"How about a drink?"

"Boring! Well, the sun's up and you're on the way to the bar with me, so I guess it's something. Looks like I'm rubbing off on you."

"Maker forbid."

  
The sun was down by the time you stumbled out of the tavern. Sera had offered to walk you back to your room, but she hadn't managed to make it past Iron Bull's table yet.

Halfway across the courtyard you walked into Cassandra's line of sight. She took one look at you and let out a huge guffaw.

"Not my brightest moment, Pentaghast."

"I disagree. Your cheeks are rosy and you're practically dancing."

"Just for that I'm telling Varric to kill off your favorite character in the sequel he's writing."

She held her hands up. "I yield, I yield."

"Great. Now, point me towards the stairs."

"7 steps to your right."

You nodded in thanks.

  
"Oof!" You rubbed your knee. Shouldn't be too bruised. It was only the fourth time you'd banged it on your way up. Why were there so many bloody stairs to your room?

"Here, let me give you a hand."

"...good evening commander." You avoided eye contact and picked yourself up. "I'm fine, really."

You waved him away, but he stood over you with his arms crossed. A horrible thought occurred to you. "Were you waiting in the war room for me this whole time?"

"I figured we wouldn't get to talk til tomorrow, soon as Sera dragged you off."

You let out a sigh of relief. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"I'm afraid you'll still be here tomorrow if you don't take my hand right now."

You gave him a sour look, but grudgingly grabbed onto his arm. "Why are you here, anyway? Nobody comes this way since we put that trespasser on the gibbet."

"To be fair, it wasn't him sneaking into your room that got him killed. He also murdered the cook on his way up."

"Regardless, these stairs are considered haunted now. So why are you here, Commander?"

"Cassandra told me you might need a hand."

You groaned. This was clearly payback for your threat earlier. She took Varric's books quite seriously. Still, you supposed you were grateful to have a crutch for the last 10 steps. 

"And here we are. Thanks commander. I'll see you in the morning- who am I kidding, late afternoon."

He nodded crisply once more, but made no motion to leave.

"I can make it from here." He did not need to see your messy room. Specifically the damning evidence of a honey-soaked tunic that may or may not have been Josie's revenge.

"Without this?" 

You let out your millionth sigh of the day. "I left my keys in the bar? Was I really that drunk?"

"Considering that I'm holding you up right now? I'd say yes. Although to your credit you did not. Sera swiped it from you. Rogue and all."

"Ah." You wanted to reach out for the keys, but the cool door against the side of your face felt quite nice. "Any chance you could-"

He grinned as he miraculously used the correct keys on the five different locks. "After you, my lady."

"Just, uh, close your eyes." You hoped he wouldn't completely balk at the strange suggestion as you nudged him the correct direction.

He obliged without comment, hobbling the both of you until you heaved yourself away from him onto your bed. At last.

"A million thanks, Commander." And really, you meant every one. "Any chance you could make your way back without opening your eyes?"

"I think so. I believe the tunic you're intent on hiding is on the other side of the room so I won't run the risk of stepping into it."

"Excellent. Wait, what?!"

He let out what you were almost certain was a giggle. 

"No wonder you figured the locks out on your first try!"

"Yes, took me almost half a day yesterday. Almost gave up by the time I figured out the third one was pressure-sensitive."

You'd be impressed if it wasn't for the blinding headache. And the fact that you'd have to change all five locks again. "I thought it was Josie."

"No, she thinks it was Cole. He made that comment about how she should stop reading romance stories."

"Then why-"

"Call it a preemptive strike."

You were far too sleepy to defend yourself. So instead you let out a huge yawn. "Touche."

"Sleep well, Inquisitor." Your eyes were shut, but you could hear the smile in his voice. "Oh and make sure you check upstairs before you prank a room."

"Get out before I make you change the locks yourself, Cullen."

You were out like a light before he replied.

"Goodnight, lovely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheee!!! Hope you lovelies enjoyed! leave me a comment if you enjoyed!
> 
> Quick poll 1: what was your favorite moment in the fic?  
> Mine is probably the exchange between Cassandra and Lovely. Although Cullen giggling is quite cute as well.
> 
> Poll 2: Who's your favorite non-love interest?
> 
> I adore Cole. He's everything good and wonderful in the world
> 
> Have a great weekend lovelies!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t plan on adding any chapters but I felt inspired so here’s another installment.

“Give me that.”

You snatched the jar out of thin air, scaring the cutlery maiden, who ran screaming out of the kitchen. 

Cole reappeared and sat down next to you. “Problem, ma’am?”

“Oh it’s you.” You offered him a croissant, which he declined politely. “I thought it was Sera trying to make more grenades. She’s banned for the rest of the month.”

“Doesn’t she prefer arrows?”

“Oh they’re not for battle.”

“I see.” He looked at you pensively. “So you’re getting rid of all jars? I was going to make jam.”

You passed it back to him. It had been pure reflex, honestly. You didn’t think you’d be able to stop Sera even if you tried your hardest. “You know you could have just asked for one.”

He shrugged. “This seemed easier.” You smiled, but instead of smiling back he peered at you more intently. “You’re tired.”

“It’s been a long day.” There had been too many dukes at lunch and you’d spent so long answering inane questions you didn’t get to eat any of the delicious feast Josie had prepared. 

“Not just today. All the time.”

He was right, but you didn’t need to hear it. “It’s my job.” You stood up to get some water. When you went back to the table he was gone. Which, from Cole, wasn’t strange at all.

It was late when you finally got back to your room. Leliana had some bad news about an ambush and in between discussing countermeasures and figuring out who the mole was, time had gotten away from you.

You plopped onto the bed, yelping when you felt something sharp on your stomach. You jumped back and sent a row of flames to the torches on the wall. You laughed when you saw what had stabbed you.

A huge bouquet of yellow peonies, your favorite. 

“Thanks, Compassion.”

You put them in your bedside mug of water and promptly fell asleep. 

"It seems your spirits are high today, Inquisitor." Hmm slight deja vu. 

“You sound surprised.”

“Well the visiting dignitaries asked for a private tour that ends under your sheets, and you laughed it off instead of surrounding them in a circle of fire while they cried for mercy, so yes I’m surprised.”

“What can I say, I’m learning diplomacy from you, Josephine.”

“Is that so?” Leliana stepped into the war room, looking refreshed as if yesterday hadn’t been a complete disaster. “I have it on good authority Josie poured boiling hot water on the last noble who made inappropriate advances.”

“I was carrying tea and it spilled.” Josie responded primly. “Looks like your spy network needs a little more work.”

“I remember hearing a very unconvincing whoops and a sarcastic apology.” 

“Thank you for joining us, commander.” Apparently it was two against one today. You decided to stay out of it. “Shall we get started, advisors?”

“Gladly.” Josie spoke loudly. Anything to get the other two off her case. “Do you want the good news or bad news first?”

You felt a croissant make a way into your hand and you smiled, casually moving aside to let the spirit pass. “Surprise me.”

“What’s gotten out of your pants?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Sera waved a rag at you, before going back to polishing the new bow you’d given her. New in terms of ownership. You’d pulled it off a dead guy, after all.

“They say what’s gotten in your pants when someone seems pissed, right? So this would be the opposite.”

“So, I seem happy then?”

“Well if you want to be boring about it, yeah.”

“Am I that much of a downer?”

“Not really. I mean I’m still here right?”

“If that’s the case, I better keep my mood lousy.”

She glared at you a second before her eyes widened and she giggled. “Why, inquisitor, are you teasing me?”

“Don’t worry, it shan’t happen again.”

“Nice roll there, Cassandra. That’s the first time you’ve gotten far enough from my counter to attempt a shield bash.”

“Not that it actually connected.”

“Still, it’s a great improvement.”

“It better be. It’s been months since we’ve had a proper spar, Commander. Are we finally getting more talented recruits?”

“I wish. The only reason I could get away today is because the Inquisitor took over training this afternoon.”

Cassandra’s brows shot toward the sun. “Really?”

“I was pleasantly surprised myself. Though not quite as shocked as you.” There was almost a twinkle in his eye. Cassandra decided to push the conversation further.

“Would I be amiss to presume you were somehow involved in this turn of events?”

“Perhaps.”

“You must have lifted her spirits considerably. She almost never has the energy to deal with the trainees.”

“Are the two of you gossiping?”

Cassandra and Cullen jumped as you materialized between the two of them.

“How the blazes did you manage that, Inquisitor?!”

Cassandra sprinted off 10 yards away and snatched Cole out of a tent. “Did you do something to the Inquisitor?!”

He disappeared, before reappearing behind you and ducking slightly. “Yes but I didn’t think she would mind!”

You patted Cole on the head. “Don’t blame him, Cassandra. It’s this lovely ring Dorian got me.” You demonstrated once more, before reappearing and pocketing the Ring of Doubt.

“Oh.” Seeing that Cassandra was no longer seething, Cole took the opportunity to scamper off to a better hiding spot.

“Lovely isn’t quite how I’d describe it,” Cullen observed.

“Extraordinary, perhaps.” Dorian walked over, wanting some more credit for the find. “I would’ve kept it, but I could hardly rob the world of my glorious features.”

Cassandra let out a not-so-ladylike snort. 

“Yes that would be a shame,” you agreed, giving the Tevinter mage a wink.

“Although it’s almost a crime robbing people of your visage as well, my dear Inquisitor.” Dorian winked back.

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to the recruits?” Cullen, the responsible commander, helpfully reminded you.

“They still have thirteen laps to go.”

“Who knows how they’re slacking off without you keeping a watchful eye.” With that, Cullen herded you away.

“That was a bit touchy of him wasn’t it?” Dorian spoke offhandedly.

“You should know better than to flirt with her in front of the Commander.” Cassandra scolded.

“I was reminding him to make his move soon. Albeit passively.”

“He is taking a bit longer than necessary,” Cassandra conceded.

“If he’s not careful he’s going to lose the opportunity. I saw some beautiful yellow peonies on her dresser today.”

“Why were you in her room?”

“To give her the ring of course!”

“I certainly hope that is all.” Cassandra warned.

“Don’t you want to know who they were from?”

“You’re going to tell me either way, right?”

“Absolutely. They were from Cole!”

Cassandra let out a huge sigh. She was sure that Cole didn’t mean to gift them to you romantically. But how was she going to explain to the significance of flowers to a demon? 

“Not that I think demons would make good companions, but I have to admit that flowers was a keen move on your part.” Sera had stumbled over Cole after forgetting which floor she lived on and going up an extra set of stairs.

“Flowers? No that wasn’t me. I filled her water cup with her favorite juice.”

“Huh. Wonder who they were from them. Well anyway point me towards my room will you?”

“7 steps to your right.”

“Thanks, demon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TEEHEEEEEE
> 
> LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU LIKED
> 
> QUICK POLL 1: what was your fav part?!
> 
> Jelly Cullen is cute. Also I purposely used the same lines as last chapter for certain parts. I thought it would be fun. And it was :)
> 
> I was so happy when I got the ring of doubt in game!! Might by be super useful but a rogue at heart loves her invisibility 
> 
> Gosh I love cole! I’ll be sure to include him more :)  
> It didn’t feel right for him to call lovely Inquisitor, so I settled with ma’am which I think works well 
> 
> Have a good week lovelies!
> 
> Xoxo Bucky


End file.
